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Perfection – Does It’s Promise Hold Up?

1/32 November 5, 2018 – Purple Dawn, Chilmark Pond

Crochet Anxiety & Perfection

Something I’ve noticed lately is how the striving for Perfection and trying to project our own little piece of Perfection out to the world can cause suffering – like actually a lot. So I wanted to explore that.

What is Perfection?

To me: Perfection is seeking to control things in our life in order to alleviate one of our human animal birthrights: general anxiety which stems from the animal need to survive.

So Ultimately what we are seeking (at all times and in all we do) is the feeling of well-being – happiness, contentment, joy, peace, etc.

Human Based Perfection

But what we chase after is Human-Based-Perfection, thinking that somehow when things are perfect – our bodies, our home, our job, our relationships, our finances – when they are perfect THEN I can have those feelings of well-being.

We bring this seeking of Perfection into so much of our life. Lose weight, gain weight, tidy my home, renovate the bathroom, get a new car, paint the house, check off everything on my to-do list, and on and on…. Including our hobbies like crochet. If I can just make this crochet project perfectly, get this one more row done, this one more project done, etc. Let me share a picture of what I’ve made. But first I must clear a Perfect space, get Perfect lighting, make it look like all the other perfect Instagram and YouTube images out there.

Life is Always in Flux

But all these things are always in flux in our life. Nothing is ever Perfect the way us humans define perfection which is straight controlled lines. Nature doesn’t work that way. Nature is curvy, nature is fractal, nature is messy, and nature, truly, is so much more interesting and beautiful than straight lines.

The False Promise of Straight Lines

And what if we do get those straight lines? Perfectly lined up furniture, perfectly lined up education for our kids, perfectly lined up income, perfectly lined up progress on goals, perfectly lined up life – meet the boy/girl – fall in love – get married – buy the house – have kids – living happily ever after. 

Even when things line up perfectly (which they rarely do according to straight lines) our satisfaction is short-lived. Is our anxiety relieved? No, we are quickly onto thinking “when will the other shoe drop?” And we are back to not experiencing feelings of well-being, and instead experiencing feelings of worry, dread and anxiety.

What’s the Solution?

Now, I don’t know how much anxiety can be eliminated, but I do know that it can at the very Least be greatly reduced. How?

By not having Perfection serve as our personal permission slip to be happy and feel at peace.

See striving for a particular outcome is not in and of itself problematic. That’s the stuff of human life. The problem is when we tie it to our permission to be happy.

Granting ourselves permission to be happy or at least at peace right here right now in the middle of the storm, in the middle of the mess, in the middle of the chaos, in the middle of the project, in the middle of the struggle, this is what we should strive for.

How: To take quiet time, to take a break, to take a breath, to notice right here, right now, essentially everything is ok. It’s not Human-Perfect, but it is Nature- Perfect.

And nature perfect is so much more interesting, so much more true beauty. 

It’s only our definitions that rob us of seeing the True Perfection of this present moment.

Even in the worst moments, if we cultivate this practice daily of allowing ourselves to be at peace in the mundane times, then we can be at ease even in the most challenging moments.

A Personal Perspective

From my experience, when life throws me challenges, when I take the time to slow down and examine them calmly, I often, well, always, I find the message that life is trying to send me.

You see, the feelings of well-being, ease, peace, joy – these are our natural state. It’s when we put conditions on top of them that we cease to feel them. They are always there beneath the surface but we cover them up with worry about the future, regrets about the past, and the general pursuit of perfection in everything before we allow ourselves to be happy and at peace.

So you see our only real problem is Us wanting to control that which is already perfect before we ALLOW ourselves to be happy is.

Recognize This

Things are perfect right now. The things you think are not perfect are there for your growth. They each hold messages and teachings.  Look for the good lessons in each. 

Maybe those lessons are Patience, kindness, love, letting go of anger and other negative feelings. 

When you allow yourself to see the perfection that is already here, all the good that is already here, then you can allow yourself to be happy (or at least at ease) now no matter what is going on. 

Which is what we want from perfection anyway – to be happy, to feel at ease.

Try This

Next time you have an imperfection in your life see if you can let it be there. See if you can sit with it a while before trying to fix it. See if you can understand the root of why you feel compelled to control it. See if you can love the beauty of it. What could it’s message be for you?

Maybe we can even learn to love what we perceive as imperfections in ourselves both in our physical appearance, our creations and in our thoughts. 

Know this: All is perfect right now. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. All those “mistakes” – they are not roadbumps. They are On-Purpose. They are there For You. They are perfect learning opportunities. All that mess – it’s Nature’s Perfection. And your task is not to control it but to discover the highest good in it.

You have permission to rest in the feelings of happiness, joy, and ease at all times. I wish you peace and happiness and ease.

Crochet Podcast on Perfection

If you are interested, I discussed this topic last week in my crochet podcast. You can watch it below.

Join me in the conversation!

Please let me know your thoughts in the comments below or by sharing this on FB or Twitter with your perspective!

Thanks for reading!

A World Seeking Truth: Why Today is so Tumultuous & What You Can Do

Lighthouse lighting the way

Photo Credit:

This is a tumultuous time in history, where the entire world is searching for real Truth. People are sick of the half truths, twisted truths and outright lies by authorities we are supposed to trust, that are supposed to be looking out for our best interest.

From govt officials, to gov’t agencies, to big pharma, to the chemical and petroleum industries, to the medical industry, to our cultural messages about what success is, to even our history lessons, heck even science….and so much more.

Continue Reading →

Where Are You Going in Such a Hurry?

cheifyc / Pixabay

Where are you going in such a hurry?

Where ever you go you are always right here. Where ever you go you are always with yourself. Whether you are in your home, on the subway, or at the top of a the Himalayas, you are always right here with yourself. 

What about the hurry? You say, ” I have to do this by this time.” What time is that? The time is always now. Is your “hurry” mindset necessary in what you are doing? Does it get you there faster? Or does it slow you down?

How can we be more present? How can we eliminate “hurry” even if we happen to be moving fast?

And if you are always right here and the time is always now what should you be doing?

The simple answer to this question is “the only thing for us to do is our Dharma, our duty.”

But what does that mean and how do we know what that is? Continue Reading →

Write Your Story – Create the Reality You Want

crocheted cowl for sale

I could ask you if you ever suffer from some type of anxiety, but that would be like asking do you ever breathe.

It’s part of the human condition to have anxiety. It’s actually part of the animal life to have anxiety. It’s a survival feature.

But for us humans in modern life, we can sometimes take this to extremes experiencing anxiety in all sorts of situations – sometimes consciously (going for a job interview) and a lot of the time unconsciously (like being in an elevator with strangers).

Anxiety is normal, but we make it detrimental by the labels we use, the meaning we assign to things and situations, and the stories we tell ourselves about our life.

As an example:

If I have an ache somewhere in my body, it can be seen as good, neutral, or bad all depending on the meaning I assign to that sensation.

Do I see it as my body doing the job of healing, say a bruise – “good job body!”

Do I see it as I would a fly – just a mild nuisance to be ignored.

Or do I see it as something mysteriously sinister with eventual catastrophic consequences. “What if it’s some dread disease (insert the latest horrible one you’ve heard a story of recently) and I will eventually die from it??!! Ahh”

Sometimes we actually do have a disease. When this happens we often slip into thinking of it as a fixed thing.  But the truth is that our bodies are forever in a state of change, evolving, repairing, healing. Whatever disease we have is part of a large pattern in our body and mind. It takes maintaining to keep it as it is. But it is always possible for the pattern to be changed and for you to experience a different level of health.

There is nothing that is so fixed that it won’t change over time. (Even mountains crumble away and continents move over time) This also includes other aspects of your life beyond health – relationships, state of mind, quality of life experiences, career, etc.

Some things can take a fair amount of time to change, but it’s never too late to change your patterns.

Here’s how to begin to change your patterns and change your life.

Continue Reading →

Create Your Beautiful Life

Crochet Shawl Purple

All of life is creation. And your life is your creation. You create it every moment of every day with your thoughts. Like crocheting a shawl or creating anything you start with a vision, you maintain focus, and you do the work of creating.

Your life is no different. Do you want a different life?

Start with your vision. Change your vision, change what you think is possible, change your beliefs. You create your reality.

What do you want to be true? Continue Reading →

Simple Trick to Get Out of the Mud

photo credit Josh Houghtelin

Are you trying to accomplish your goals, but, alas, you have a problem? Maybe you’re frustrated or angry about something. Perhaps motivation is nowhere to be found. Do you feel like you just can’t move forward? We all have those days (or months). For most of us we get tripped up by focusing on the problem, frustration, and feelings that are keeping us stuck in the mud. There’s a simple solution to get traction again. Ready for it? Click to read more. Continue Reading →

What to Do When Chaos Strikes

What to do when chaos strikes

Sometimes, well, let’s face it, a lot of the time, things don’t go according to our master plan. It could be our plan for the day, for our long-awaited vacation, or simply in the parking lot looking for a place to park.

When things go wrong we have 2 basic choices:

Be calm or get upset.

We can laugh or cry.

We can see it as an interruption in our life or as something that was supposed to be in our life at that exact moment for reasons we may or may not know now or ever. The reason is not important. Let’s take a look at why the calm reaction is a good habit to form and how to do it. Continue Reading →

Find the Good, Find the Magical

In this life we find what we are looking for. There is enough good, bad, magical, and mundane to find exactly what you are looking for. So why not look for the good?

What you focus on determines your mood, the quality of your experiences, and the quality of your life. Our brains have a natural tendency to focus on negative things. This is a survival mechanism that’s left over from long ago, but for the most part we don’t need it today and we certainly overuse it.

Would you like to know how you can change your life for the better? See how easy it is to change your focus and make this happen. Continue Reading →

The Power of Your Mind – No, Really the Power of Your Mind

Focus the Mind

You have a problem. (How do I know this? We All have problems or at least we think we do!!!)

Let’s say your problem is your mood. You want to be happy, but you can’t get out of negative feelings – frustration, anger, sadness, etc. You wonder:

Is it lack of sleep? Bad food? My time of the month? Too much caffeine, right? That comment from my co-worker, spouse, friend, etc.?

No, no, no, no, and no.

These could have been triggers, but it’s not the reason why you’re in a pickle right now.

The reason is the habits of your mind. You can have the best of intentions and desires to change your mood (or attain whatever solution needed for your problem), but until you change your habit of mind, you just won’t get there.

But there is Great News! You can definitely overcome this! How? The power of your mind! Duh!

Continue Reading →

What to Do When Fear Creeps In On a Good Day

Good things are coming
I just learned this today. See if this rings a bell for you.

Ever have a day when things are suddenly going well in your life? The sun is shining. You’re meeting your goals. No technology road bumps. People are letting you go in traffic. The world is generally shining on you and you are riding that wave!

And then you do that thing.

You suddenly think “This is strange. I wonder when the other shoe will drop? When will stuff start going wrong – like it usually does?”

Guess what that is going to get you? Yup, a shoe dropping out of the sky right on your head – allowing you to say “Ah, there you are. I was expecting you.”

The bottom line is if you look for the shoe, you’re going to find the shoe.

There’s a better way to handle great moments in your life, a way that is much more empowering and which will manifest more of the good stuff that you’re experiencing.

Continue Reading →

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