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Perfection – Does It’s Promise Hold Up?

1/32 November 5, 2018 – Purple Dawn, Chilmark Pond

Crochet Anxiety & Perfection

Something I’ve noticed lately is how the striving for Perfection and trying to project our own little piece of Perfection out to the world can cause suffering – like actually a lot. So I wanted to explore that.

What is Perfection?

To me: Perfection is seeking to control things in our life in order to alleviate one of our human animal birthrights: general anxiety which stems from the animal need to survive.

So Ultimately what we are seeking (at all times and in all we do) is the feeling of well-being – happiness, contentment, joy, peace, etc.

Human Based Perfection

But what we chase after is Human-Based-Perfection, thinking that somehow when things are perfect – our bodies, our home, our job, our relationships, our finances – when they are perfect THEN I can have those feelings of well-being.

We bring this seeking of Perfection into so much of our life. Lose weight, gain weight, tidy my home, renovate the bathroom, get a new car, paint the house, check off everything on my to-do list, and on and on…. Including our hobbies like crochet. If I can just make this crochet project perfectly, get this one more row done, this one more project done, etc. Let me share a picture of what I’ve made. But first I must clear a Perfect space, get Perfect lighting, make it look like all the other perfect Instagram and YouTube images out there.

Life is Always in Flux

But all these things are always in flux in our life. Nothing is ever Perfect the way us humans define perfection which is straight controlled lines. Nature doesn’t work that way. Nature is curvy, nature is fractal, nature is messy, and nature, truly, is so much more interesting and beautiful than straight lines.

The False Promise of Straight Lines

And what if we do get those straight lines? Perfectly lined up furniture, perfectly lined up education for our kids, perfectly lined up income, perfectly lined up progress on goals, perfectly lined up life – meet the boy/girl – fall in love – get married – buy the house – have kids – living happily ever after. 

Even when things line up perfectly (which they rarely do according to straight lines) our satisfaction is short-lived. Is our anxiety relieved? No, we are quickly onto thinking “when will the other shoe drop?” And we are back to not experiencing feelings of well-being, and instead experiencing feelings of worry, dread and anxiety.

What’s the Solution?

Now, I don’t know how much anxiety can be eliminated, but I do know that it can at the very Least be greatly reduced. How?

By not having Perfection serve as our personal permission slip to be happy and feel at peace.

See striving for a particular outcome is not in and of itself problematic. That’s the stuff of human life. The problem is when we tie it to our permission to be happy.

Granting ourselves permission to be happy or at least at peace right here right now in the middle of the storm, in the middle of the mess, in the middle of the chaos, in the middle of the project, in the middle of the struggle, this is what we should strive for.

How: To take quiet time, to take a break, to take a breath, to notice right here, right now, essentially everything is ok. It’s not Human-Perfect, but it is Nature- Perfect.

And nature perfect is so much more interesting, so much more true beauty. 

It’s only our definitions that rob us of seeing the True Perfection of this present moment.

Even in the worst moments, if we cultivate this practice daily of allowing ourselves to be at peace in the mundane times, then we can be at ease even in the most challenging moments.

A Personal Perspective

From my experience, when life throws me challenges, when I take the time to slow down and examine them calmly, I often, well, always, I find the message that life is trying to send me.

You see, the feelings of well-being, ease, peace, joy – these are our natural state. It’s when we put conditions on top of them that we cease to feel them. They are always there beneath the surface but we cover them up with worry about the future, regrets about the past, and the general pursuit of perfection in everything before we allow ourselves to be happy and at peace.

So you see our only real problem is Us wanting to control that which is already perfect before we ALLOW ourselves to be happy is.

Recognize This

Things are perfect right now. The things you think are not perfect are there for your growth. They each hold messages and teachings.  Look for the good lessons in each. 

Maybe those lessons are Patience, kindness, love, letting go of anger and other negative feelings. 

When you allow yourself to see the perfection that is already here, all the good that is already here, then you can allow yourself to be happy (or at least at ease) now no matter what is going on. 

Which is what we want from perfection anyway – to be happy, to feel at ease.

Try This

Next time you have an imperfection in your life see if you can let it be there. See if you can sit with it a while before trying to fix it. See if you can understand the root of why you feel compelled to control it. See if you can love the beauty of it. What could it’s message be for you?

Maybe we can even learn to love what we perceive as imperfections in ourselves both in our physical appearance, our creations and in our thoughts. 

Know this: All is perfect right now. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. All those “mistakes” – they are not roadbumps. They are On-Purpose. They are there For You. They are perfect learning opportunities. All that mess – it’s Nature’s Perfection. And your task is not to control it but to discover the highest good in it.

You have permission to rest in the feelings of happiness, joy, and ease at all times. I wish you peace and happiness and ease.

Crochet Podcast on Perfection

If you are interested, I discussed this topic last week in my crochet podcast. You can watch it below.

Join me in the conversation!

Please let me know your thoughts in the comments below or by sharing this on FB or Twitter with your perspective!

Thanks for reading!

Where Are You Going in Such a Hurry?

cheifyc / Pixabay

Where are you going in such a hurry?

Where ever you go you are always right here. Where ever you go you are always with yourself. Whether you are in your home, on the subway, or at the top of a the Himalayas, you are always right here with yourself. 

What about the hurry? You say, ” I have to do this by this time.” What time is that? The time is always now. Is your “hurry” mindset necessary in what you are doing? Does it get you there faster? Or does it slow you down?

How can we be more present? How can we eliminate “hurry” even if we happen to be moving fast?

And if you are always right here and the time is always now what should you be doing?

The simple answer to this question is “the only thing for us to do is our Dharma, our duty.”

But what does that mean and how do we know what that is? Continue Reading →

The Truth Is

oohhsnapp / Pixabay

The truth is we are much closer together than we are apart. I’m not a democrat. You’re not a republican. We’re both humans who care deeply about certain issues. We probably have different and varied opinions about how to solve even the issues we agree are important.

It’s probably safe to say that the vast majority care about our family, friends, and preserving or improving our way of life. We probably all care about personal freedom.

Let us try to stay focused on those things we have in common and let’s try to be involved citizens. Let’s try to let go of hate of the “other” political party that is stirred up by the media. Let’s even let go of hate for the media, because the truth is each individual, each group whether it be a family, a business, a political party, or a nation is going to have their biases based on what they want or are trying to achieve. That includes you and me.

The media, for example, plays an important role in democracy. They are there to bring facts to light and inform the citizens of what is going on in their country, in their government, so that accountability can exist. At the same time, the media, whether it’s a national news network or even a small blog or even you as an individual reporting on Facebook, all have an agenda which is to get people to read or listen to your information. As a business, people whose job it is to report the news need to be paid for that work. So in addition to providing an important service, they have a need for people to take in their reporting. This causes media to want to make the news as “delicious” as possible for their audience. If the story is boring no one will read it, but the citizens need to be informed. So the media is forever walking the thin line of delivering straight facts, but serving them up in an appetizing way. Continue Reading →

The Power of Your Mind – No, Really the Power of Your Mind

Focus the Mind

You have a problem. (How do I know this? We All have problems or at least we think we do!!!)

Let’s say your problem is your mood. You want to be happy, but you can’t get out of negative feelings – frustration, anger, sadness, etc. You wonder:

Is it lack of sleep? Bad food? My time of the month? Too much caffeine, right? That comment from my co-worker, spouse, friend, etc.?

No, no, no, no, and no.

These could have been triggers, but it’s not the reason why you’re in a pickle right now.

The reason is the habits of your mind. You can have the best of intentions and desires to change your mood (or attain whatever solution needed for your problem), but until you change your habit of mind, you just won’t get there.

But there is Great News! You can definitely overcome this! How? The power of your mind! Duh!

Continue Reading →

Psst, Your Cells Are Listening to You

human cell

Everything about you is happening at the cellular level. Your digestion, the movement of your muscles, the elimination of wastes, the clean-up of microbes and rogue cells, and so on to your entire health. These cells coordinate with other cells and work together as organs (stomach, heart, lungs, skin etc), and your organs work together as systems (respitory, nervous, digestive etc) all to serve YOU and give you what you want.

But it all begins at the cellular level. And here’s the thing: all these little guys (cells) are listening to you, all 75 trillion or so of them! They listen to what you think, feel, and say. And whether you think this is a crazy notion or not, it’s true. Just think about how your body reacts when you feel very angry or when you are elated. Those are two extreme examples that you can identify and feel. But the truth is your body is responding all day long to all your thoughts, most of the time with you being completely unaware. Now before you get worried, here’s the good news. Life is a marathon, not a sprint, so you have time to change your thinking patterns.

Instead of feeling worried, feel empowered! When your thinking supports your physical body, you are on your way to attaining a high level of health. So how can you make this work for you? Continue Reading →

The Power Of Belief

the power of belief

Could you use a little magic in your life? Are there things you want, but they seem elusive, slipping through your fingers each time you reach for them? There is a piece of magic that can change all that. It’s your beliefs. Here’s how to harness it in your life. Continue Reading →

Computer Screen Goes Haywire and Shuts Down – How to Fix

computer screen goes haywire


This happened to me the other day.  My son’s laptop computer screen suddenly went haywire like this image. It was also blinking and flashing. At times the image looked like a strange digital plaid. It kept happening even in safe mode. I’ll spare you the long boring story and share the solution which saved me from the fate of having to buy another computer. Here’s the solution and why you should read this even if this isn’t your problem today.

Continue Reading →

Stop Hating Your Past and Your Future Will Blossom

Is there something from your past, that you did or didn’t do, that really bugs you?

Do you find yourself beating yourself up over it?

Even if you say no, think about this: Is there something that you have wanted to accomplish for a while now, but you just haven’t done it? Why haven’t you done it? Could it be that you are so angry with yourself for letting so much time pass? Could that anger be blocking you from moving forward?

Whether you realize it or not, if you are hating yourself for something in your past, that is going to block your ability to be happy today and to realize the future you want.

Here’s the Good News: You can change your future starting TODAY!

Continue Reading →

Gift Guide: Buy American Made, Create Jobs!

Flag Flying
Creative Commons License photo credit: Sam Howzit

I saw an awesome segment on ABC news the other night. It was called “Made in America.” This gist is this:

If each of us spent just $64 on American made goods during our holiday shopping, the result would be 200,000 new jobs.

The rallying call is: “ARE YOU IN?” Would you try to buy American-Made products this year at Christmas (and I say beyond) in order to help create jobs for America? I’m in! With so many products made overseas it’s not easy to find American- Made products. So for those of you that “are in,” here is a list of nice products that are Made in the United States.

Continue Reading →

To Receive You Must Be Open

sunshine lilly
Creative Commons License photo credit: Steve.M~

How often have you wondered “Why am I not getting the thing I want?” Perhaps it is a promotion at work, or maybe you want to find a fulfilling life partner. Or it could be you simply would like to encounter more friendly people in your day. Whatever it is that you are searching for, this little tip may help you. You need to be receptive and open to actually receive it. Think about it. You can’t catch a ball if your glove is closed, right? If that makes you think “Aha! I never thought of that,” then read on for tips on how to open up so you can “catch” that “ball” you are seeking.

Continue Reading →

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