What is reality? And is it malleable? Can you stretch and manipulate it to make your life better? I think so.
When we are kids we spend a lot of time in between two worlds: the outer exact material world and our inner imaginal fantastical world where everything is possible both the delightful and the terrifying.
As kids we mix these two worlds and if you watch a child you’ll be reminded of how delightful the world can be.
In our young ages we believed in all sorts of possibilities and we acted them out in our play and we even tried to get grownups to go along with those visions.
As We Grow Up…
But then as we get older the grownups start imposing more of the outer world reality on us with responsibilities and rules and limitations and the holy grail of being a grownup: Seriousness!
So gradually we become less fanciful in our thinking and more realistic, more tied to the material world.
And if you notice, what goes hand in hand with all this seriousness about life is unhappiness. Limits, focus on the material world, focus on all the things to fear, focus on survival all strip away bit by bit our natural childhood happiness.
Invitation to Change Your Reality
I’d like to invite you to reboot your thoughts about reality if only for just a moment while you read this. Let’s take a look at why and how changing your reality is possible.
Proof that Your Reality is Adjustable
Simple example – Happy:
Imagine yourself in a miserable state of mind. Any number of disappointing factors exist in your life. You hate your job, your boss, your look, your finances, your relationship. And you don’t see any hope for change. Ugh. You’re bummed out!
Now, uneventfully, you happen to buy a lottery ticket and you actually win a sizable amount of money, say $50,000. Now your state of mind is changed. Your reality is changed.
Here’s the thing. Your state of mind is changed before you even get the money, before you even can use it. Technically nothing in your current environment is actually different, but yet you now see the world with more possibility.
What changed your reality? Was it the money? Or was it how you perceived that money?
Simple Example – Unhappy
You could have a situation where winning $50,000 wouldn’t make you happy. Let’s say you had a tax lien on your home and when you win that money it all has to go to pay off the tax lien. Instead of being happy, you are bummed because you don’t get to use any of it.
Did the money make you unhappy? Or did your perception of what it meant in your life make you unhappy?
Racy Example – Happy to Unhappy
You are making love with your partner. It is dark. You are relaxed and you allow yourself to drift into pure pleasure. Because your partner’s desire for you is so evident you allow yourself believe in your mind you are attractive. Not just attractive, but maybe Verrry attractive. You are in delightful ecstasy, enjoying the moment, and living in the belief that you are desirable.
The next morning in the bright harsh light of day, you see yourself in the mirror as you get dressed. You focus in on all the socially unacceptable material things about yourself. Too much fat here. Not enough there. Wrinkles. Lack of muscle. And other features you critique yourself for. How do you feel now?
Why? What has changed from last night? Which image of yourself is true?
Answer: the one you believe at any given moment.
You say: Wait. No. Believing I am a hot sexy person doesn’t make it true.
Me. Ok then you’re not. But….. If you believe it is true then it will be true. Being sexy and attractive is in your mind. Some of the most beautiful people in the world don’t feel beautiful or attractive and so that is what is true in their mind.
And the only place it really matters is in YOUR mind. Only YOU can experience the feeling of attractive or unattractive. And you can only experience that in your Inner World.
If you say I want certain physical attributes, I ask “why? for what purpose?” Focus on the purpose. If you want to feel attractive to get a partner, then why? Do you want love and affection? Then THAT is what you should focus on. You don’t need exact material specifications to EXPERIENCE what you really want.
So You See….
Reality is largely how we define it. Nothing has intrinsic meaning except for the meaning we assign to it.
How you label the things, people, and circumstances in your life determine the quality of your life.
This person is bad. My job is bad. My car is old. >>>My life= bad.
My husband is thoughtful. My old car is still so reliable. I’m grateful for my job. >>>My life=good.
The beliefs that you have determine the quality of your mind and your life.
How to Change Your Reality
Ask yourself this question in each area of your life:
What do I want to be true? Then believe that. Be grateful for that.
Example: I want to be attractive. Then believe you are attractive. Repeat it to yourself all the time instead of the opposite that you usually do. Everytime you judge yourself say, “I love you ____(your name)______. You are beautiful (handsome, attractive, hot, etc).”
Example: I want to be with (fill in the blank – my lost love, my deceased love one, my family/friend who lives far away.) At the core of this desire is you want to be loved. Believe that you are loved. Start by simply giving yourself the love you want. Close your eyes and imagine the greatest love you ever felt. Imagine perhaps being in the loving arms of your mother, father, grandmother, partner. Build up that feeling inside yourself. Imagine them telling you “I love you my darling.” Say to yourself, “I love you ___(your name)___.” Because you are loved. You simply need to allow yourself to receive it. It is there. Let it wash over you.
Example: I want to be healthy. My favorite saying by Jon Kabat-Zinn is “If you are still breathing, there is more right with you than wrong with you.” If you are suffering from a health challenge, it likely takes up a lot of your thoughts. Switch gears for a bit and focus on all the things about you that are good. Can you walk? Can you talk? Can you think? Can you create? Can you give love, kindness, advice, help? Focus on wherever there is some light. Focus on that to the absolute exclusion of all other illness thoughts. Repeat to yourself “I am healthy. I trust my body. I am so grateful and thankful to all my trillions of cells. I am so grateful for my heart beating, my lungs breathing, my immune system, my capabilities.” Even if you have to fake it at first, I can report first hand how much this can increase your health and happiness.
Example: You have a big test tomorrow. You want to do well. Stop all thoughts of worry and instead repeat affirmations of your assured success:
“I am so grateful and thankful that I am completing my test easily.”
“I remember all information easily.”
“My thoughts flow easily and clearly.” and so on.
To Sum Up….
Life is but a dream…
Where ever you have a challenge, ask yourself “What do I want to be true?” and then work on that starting in your imagination first. Affirm it repeatedly. Believe it. Focus on it. Then it will happen.
Often we get caught up in the details of what we want and we miss out on getting what we really want.
We want happiness. We want love. We want comfort. We need to be less caught up in the exact how and instead: Allow it to be true. Be more like a child. You get to define your reality.
What do you want to be true? 🙂
If you have any questions please ask me in the comments. I’d be happy to help you with applying this concept.
Please Share and Thank you!
Thank you for reading. Please Share if you found this valuable.
Latest Crochet Project
And here is my latest crochet project if you are interested:
You can buy the finished poncho here on Etsy:
You can buy the pattern (Ravelry)here:
Alan Watts “Out of Your Mind” Audio available through Audible.com.
This link brings you to Amazon but you can then click through to get to Audible.