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Perfection – Does It’s Promise Hold Up?

1/32 November 5, 2018 – Purple Dawn, Chilmark Pond

Crochet Anxiety & Perfection

Something I’ve noticed lately is how the striving for Perfection and trying to project our own little piece of Perfection out to the world can cause suffering – like actually a lot. So I wanted to explore that.

What is Perfection?

To me: Perfection is seeking to control things in our life in order to alleviate one of our human animal birthrights: general anxiety which stems from the animal need to survive.

So Ultimately what we are seeking (at all times and in all we do) is the feeling of well-being – happiness, contentment, joy, peace, etc.

Human Based Perfection

But what we chase after is Human-Based-Perfection, thinking that somehow when things are perfect – our bodies, our home, our job, our relationships, our finances – when they are perfect THEN I can have those feelings of well-being.

We bring this seeking of Perfection into so much of our life. Lose weight, gain weight, tidy my home, renovate the bathroom, get a new car, paint the house, check off everything on my to-do list, and on and on…. Including our hobbies like crochet. If I can just make this crochet project perfectly, get this one more row done, this one more project done, etc. Let me share a picture of what I’ve made. But first I must clear a Perfect space, get Perfect lighting, make it look like all the other perfect Instagram and YouTube images out there.

Life is Always in Flux

But all these things are always in flux in our life. Nothing is ever Perfect the way us humans define perfection which is straight controlled lines. Nature doesn’t work that way. Nature is curvy, nature is fractal, nature is messy, and nature, truly, is so much more interesting and beautiful than straight lines.

The False Promise of Straight Lines

And what if we do get those straight lines? Perfectly lined up furniture, perfectly lined up education for our kids, perfectly lined up income, perfectly lined up progress on goals, perfectly lined up life – meet the boy/girl – fall in love – get married – buy the house – have kids – living happily ever after. 

Even when things line up perfectly (which they rarely do according to straight lines) our satisfaction is short-lived. Is our anxiety relieved? No, we are quickly onto thinking “when will the other shoe drop?” And we are back to not experiencing feelings of well-being, and instead experiencing feelings of worry, dread and anxiety.

What’s the Solution?

Now, I don’t know how much anxiety can be eliminated, but I do know that it can at the very Least be greatly reduced. How?

By not having Perfection serve as our personal permission slip to be happy and feel at peace.

See striving for a particular outcome is not in and of itself problematic. That’s the stuff of human life. The problem is when we tie it to our permission to be happy.

Granting ourselves permission to be happy or at least at peace right here right now in the middle of the storm, in the middle of the mess, in the middle of the chaos, in the middle of the project, in the middle of the struggle, this is what we should strive for.

How: To take quiet time, to take a break, to take a breath, to notice right here, right now, essentially everything is ok. It’s not Human-Perfect, but it is Nature- Perfect.

And nature perfect is so much more interesting, so much more true beauty. 

It’s only our definitions that rob us of seeing the True Perfection of this present moment.

Even in the worst moments, if we cultivate this practice daily of allowing ourselves to be at peace in the mundane times, then we can be at ease even in the most challenging moments.

A Personal Perspective

From my experience, when life throws me challenges, when I take the time to slow down and examine them calmly, I often, well, always, I find the message that life is trying to send me.

You see, the feelings of well-being, ease, peace, joy – these are our natural state. It’s when we put conditions on top of them that we cease to feel them. They are always there beneath the surface but we cover them up with worry about the future, regrets about the past, and the general pursuit of perfection in everything before we allow ourselves to be happy and at peace.

So you see our only real problem is Us wanting to control that which is already perfect before we ALLOW ourselves to be happy is.

Recognize This

Things are perfect right now. The things you think are not perfect are there for your growth. They each hold messages and teachings.  Look for the good lessons in each. 

Maybe those lessons are Patience, kindness, love, letting go of anger and other negative feelings. 

When you allow yourself to see the perfection that is already here, all the good that is already here, then you can allow yourself to be happy (or at least at ease) now no matter what is going on. 

Which is what we want from perfection anyway – to be happy, to feel at ease.

Try This

Next time you have an imperfection in your life see if you can let it be there. See if you can sit with it a while before trying to fix it. See if you can understand the root of why you feel compelled to control it. See if you can love the beauty of it. What could it’s message be for you?

Maybe we can even learn to love what we perceive as imperfections in ourselves both in our physical appearance, our creations and in our thoughts. 

Know this: All is perfect right now. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. All those “mistakes” – they are not roadbumps. They are On-Purpose. They are there For You. They are perfect learning opportunities. All that mess – it’s Nature’s Perfection. And your task is not to control it but to discover the highest good in it.

You have permission to rest in the feelings of happiness, joy, and ease at all times. I wish you peace and happiness and ease.

Crochet Podcast on Perfection

If you are interested, I discussed this topic last week in my crochet podcast. You can watch it below.

Join me in the conversation!

Please let me know your thoughts in the comments below or by sharing this on FB or Twitter with your perspective!

Thanks for reading!

Healing After Death of a Loved One


Cute Tan Chihuahua

How I’m Dealing with Death of my Dog Maisy

My sweet little chihuahua Maisy died yesterday at age 11 very unexpectedly and suddenly. She was very healthy and by all accounts should have lived many more years. I believe she died of asphyxiation from a collapsed trachea. Chihuahua’s often have this physical condition as do many other small breed dogs. Unfortunately I didn’t realize it could be fatal and was not prepared.

I was with her when she died. I didn’t fully realize what was happening at first, but once I did I tried to give her doggy CPR to no avail. All day yesterday I kept replaying the scene in my head always coming back to the regretful place that I didn’t know enough about what to do exactly and so therefore I didn’t do enough. This left me feeling terrible with no way to ever feel better about it except to simply accept it. 

But I think I have come to a better, more true perspective of things, as I have meditated on it. This view of Maisy’s death leaves me feeling full, feeling love, feeling truly OK with what is. It’s my view of the experience of death and maybe it will help someone else. I’m sure not everyone would embrace my view, but if it helps just one other person, that’s why I write this today. That one person may only be me when I falter and return to regretful thinking. Click below to read more. Continue Reading →

A World Seeking Truth: Why Today is so Tumultuous & What You Can Do

Lighthouse lighting the way

Photo Credit:

This is a tumultuous time in history, where the entire world is searching for real Truth. People are sick of the half truths, twisted truths and outright lies by authorities we are supposed to trust, that are supposed to be looking out for our best interest.

From govt officials, to gov’t agencies, to big pharma, to the chemical and petroleum industries, to the medical industry, to our cultural messages about what success is, to even our history lessons, heck even science….and so much more.

Continue Reading →

Where Are You Going in Such a Hurry?

cheifyc / Pixabay

Where are you going in such a hurry?

Where ever you go you are always right here. Where ever you go you are always with yourself. Whether you are in your home, on the subway, or at the top of a the Himalayas, you are always right here with yourself. 

What about the hurry? You say, ” I have to do this by this time.” What time is that? The time is always now. Is your “hurry” mindset necessary in what you are doing? Does it get you there faster? Or does it slow you down?

How can we be more present? How can we eliminate “hurry” even if we happen to be moving fast?

And if you are always right here and the time is always now what should you be doing?

The simple answer to this question is “the only thing for us to do is our Dharma, our duty.”

But what does that mean and how do we know what that is? Continue Reading →

The Truth Is

oohhsnapp / Pixabay

The truth is we are much closer together than we are apart. I’m not a democrat. You’re not a republican. We’re both humans who care deeply about certain issues. We probably have different and varied opinions about how to solve even the issues we agree are important.

It’s probably safe to say that the vast majority care about our family, friends, and preserving or improving our way of life. We probably all care about personal freedom.

Let us try to stay focused on those things we have in common and let’s try to be involved citizens. Let’s try to let go of hate of the “other” political party that is stirred up by the media. Let’s even let go of hate for the media, because the truth is each individual, each group whether it be a family, a business, a political party, or a nation is going to have their biases based on what they want or are trying to achieve. That includes you and me.

The media, for example, plays an important role in democracy. They are there to bring facts to light and inform the citizens of what is going on in their country, in their government, so that accountability can exist. At the same time, the media, whether it’s a national news network or even a small blog or even you as an individual reporting on Facebook, all have an agenda which is to get people to read or listen to your information. As a business, people whose job it is to report the news need to be paid for that work. So in addition to providing an important service, they have a need for people to take in their reporting. This causes media to want to make the news as “delicious” as possible for their audience. If the story is boring no one will read it, but the citizens need to be informed. So the media is forever walking the thin line of delivering straight facts, but serving them up in an appetizing way. Continue Reading →

Write Your Story – Create the Reality You Want

crocheted cowl for sale

I could ask you if you ever suffer from some type of anxiety, but that would be like asking do you ever breathe.

It’s part of the human condition to have anxiety. It’s actually part of the animal life to have anxiety. It’s a survival feature.

But for us humans in modern life, we can sometimes take this to extremes experiencing anxiety in all sorts of situations – sometimes consciously (going for a job interview) and a lot of the time unconsciously (like being in an elevator with strangers).

Anxiety is normal, but we make it detrimental by the labels we use, the meaning we assign to things and situations, and the stories we tell ourselves about our life.

As an example:

If I have an ache somewhere in my body, it can be seen as good, neutral, or bad all depending on the meaning I assign to that sensation.

Do I see it as my body doing the job of healing, say a bruise – “good job body!”

Do I see it as I would a fly – just a mild nuisance to be ignored.

Or do I see it as something mysteriously sinister with eventual catastrophic consequences. “What if it’s some dread disease (insert the latest horrible one you’ve heard a story of recently) and I will eventually die from it??!! Ahh”

Sometimes we actually do have a disease. When this happens we often slip into thinking of it as a fixed thing.  But the truth is that our bodies are forever in a state of change, evolving, repairing, healing. Whatever disease we have is part of a large pattern in our body and mind. It takes maintaining to keep it as it is. But it is always possible for the pattern to be changed and for you to experience a different level of health.

There is nothing that is so fixed that it won’t change over time. (Even mountains crumble away and continents move over time) This also includes other aspects of your life beyond health – relationships, state of mind, quality of life experiences, career, etc.

Some things can take a fair amount of time to change, but it’s never too late to change your patterns.

Here’s how to begin to change your patterns and change your life.

Continue Reading →

Love Bath

sexy chic micro poncho

Do you ever criticize yourself? That’s kind of a dumb question.

The better question is how much do you criticize yourself? I was at a store the other day and the cashier made an error ringing something in. It was no big deal, just a little typo. It was easily fixed. But I noticed she said out loud “I can’t do anything with these fat fingers,” and it instantly made me aware of all those little thoughts I/we say to ourselves all day.

It’s likely so prevalent, happening even just below our conscious thought that we barely notice it. You may notice it more when looking in a mirror though, when you are consciously reviewing your appearance.

The bottom line is that this is no way to live our lives. Our beauty is not our body. Our beauty is our love and our kindness. And regardless of our appearance in any given moment, we are deserving of the highest and most unconditional love all the time.

Here’s how to get that love, and how to really feel it in your life.

Continue Reading →

Hear the Message the Universe is Telling You

5 Way Poncho Crocheted for sale. Details below. 🙂

Sometimes we are hit with sickness, a bad night’s sleep, a roadblock at work or maybe even an actual roadblock. Our first instinct is to get frustrated and think “ugh! Why?” But often we don’t truly listen for the answer. But if you slow down, you can get that answer.

Continue Reading →

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