Have you ever become offended or felt hurt by something someone said to you even though deep down you know that the person didn’t mean to offend you? So why did it offend you or make you feel bad? It’s because you paired their comment with your own deeply rooted self-judgments.
You had to make a leap in translating their words. You determined their “true meaning” to be in line with your own insecurities and low-esteemed beliefs about yourself.
Learn how to stop this habit in your life and watch your happiness open up. Here’s the key.
You Are Wonderful!
The key to changing this habit is to remove the old negative belief about yourself and adopt a new empowering belief. “I am wonderful just the way I am!”
Because you are!
We all are. Any “sins” we’ve committed, any measurements we don’t live up to are deserving of compassion only. Compassion Only. Anger, resentment, and guilt can’t change the past and they only make you feel worse about yourself.
Don’t wait for a “good” time to realize and embrace this concept. Do it today! Now is the best time because NOW is the only time in which we live!
Don’t wait for a time when you’re doing everything right and everything feels right. (because, really, when does that ever happen?) Do it today. Do it now. If you do, that’s when everything will start to “feel right.”
How Self Judgment Sets Us Up to Be Easily Offended
Each of us harbor many self-judgments. Many are subtle. Let’s look at how this happens.
Let’s say you feel like you’re not as good as other people. Maybe you see others as smarter or more attractive or more charismatic or all of the above. Maybe it only happens around some people, those that you consider smart, attractive, talented and so on. This general feeling of low self-esteem can be quite transparent in your everyday life, meaning it’s like a veil that you don’t even realize is there, yet it is all the time affecting your sense of self.
OK. So you have this general feeling that you are “less-than.” Now whenever you hear comments that come close to this deep seated belief about yourself, you will likely jump right to the conclusion that the other person is judging you and you will feel offended.
This feeling could come from being bullied as a kid or past family challenges, but it can be there just because you’re human and we all have the tendency for self-doubt in at least a few areas. So don’t worry so much where it came from. It’s normal. But now is the time to become aware of it so you can change it.
Let’s say you are very self-conscious about your body. If someone makes a comment about your clothing even if it is a compliment, you might re-interpret the meaning or intention behind it to be in line with your own insecurity. This is because of how you feel about yourself. So now in addition to your original bad feelings about yourself, you have assigned those feelings to someone else’s comments. We love to do this kind of thing especially when we are tired. Here the bad feelings are piling up because now you’re also upset with someone who was just trying to give you a compliment .
Been there? Hate how it feels? Want to stop? Keep reading.
But What If The Person Did Mean to Hurt Me?
Remember the old saying “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words can never harm me.” This is true. Maybe they can sting at first if someone outright does insult you. But, only you can allow words to hurt you.
If you practice telling yourself and, most importantly, accepting that “You are Wonderful Just the Way You Are” then no words can ever hurt you, whether the intention to hurt was real or imagined.
If you believe that you are wonderful, then if a person truly does try to hurt you with words, you can feel compassion for that person instead of using them to validate negative self-beliefs. Any person who tries to hurt with words is in pain and lashing out to try to change their own pain. Their pain is not about you. It’s about them.
The more you build up the habit of reacting with compassion, the better you will get at this. Any time we are truly insulted, we don’t have to dig into that fight. We have the choice to be good to ourselves and not absorb any of the hurtful words because they are not true. You are Wonderful!
OK Let’s Change Our Self Esteem…
How to Know You Are Wonderful (all the way down to your toes!)
- What are your insecurities?
- What negative beliefs do you have about yourself?
- What causes you usually put yourself down?
- What words do you use when you are criticizing yourself?
- What are your triggers to get hurt by words?
- What buttons do people push that make you feel offended?
(if you can’t think of these right away, watch for it over the next few days -write down what you observe.)
- Evaluate the source of these negative beliefs. Why do you believe these things? Being aware of the source enables you to work around it, against it, maybe even squash it.
- What is the truth? Maybe you are not Einstein or a model or a sports star, but we all have our gifts and talents. Even those with outstanding gifts usually have things that are challenges for them. But we all have our own special beauty, intelligence, charisma, and talents. It can be awkward to praise yourself, but today is the day to start. Write down some of your talents. And write them down daily!
- New Mantras.
- I Am Wonderful
- I am smart in ____________(this way)
- I am beautiful in (this way) ________________.
- I have these talents _______________________.
- I make a difference in others’ lives in this way_____________________.
- Humor to Replace Stress. Sometimes we really get caught up and take things way too seriously. Learn to laugh at yourself! Life should be fun. Fun is Good! And Fun can make up for a lot of things we may think we “lack!”
I’d love to hear your experiences with this and any revelations you’ve had! Looking forward to your comments!
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