Creative Commons License photo credit: Selma90

Certainty = Security = Good

Certainty = Same-Old-Thing = Boring = Bad

Little Surprises = Something New = Exciting = Good

We want to feel safe in our relationships. We want safety on all levels: emotional, physical, spiritual, etc.  We also crave things that are new.  Over time, in our relationships we start to take for granted all the good things about the other person.

We get caught up in life and don’t take the time to do special things for each other. Sometimes this is because we think that it will take too much time, energy, or even resources (like money).

Here is a very simple way to add newness to your relationship. It takes little time, energy, and it’s free.

The little surprise that will keep your relationship like new is

(drumroll please……)


Kindness is always refreshing. It can be extraordinarily surprising as well, especially when it is unexpected. And kindness is heartwarming.

When we first meet a friend, neighbor, colleague, or new lover, we are exceptionally kind. Kindness where we start new relationships. We give the benefit of the doubt. We forgive easily. We have low expectations. We reserve harsh judgments.

We are kind.

And relationships bloom from that starting point.

But then we get complacent. We become impatient. We judge harshly. We see only the annoying things. We dig in our heels into arguments. And so on.

So. Where can you insert a little kindness today to add surprise and renew a relationship?

Ways to Be Kind

Here are a few ways you can be kind.

  1. Pay a compliment. Simple. Genuine.
  2. Be the first to say sorry.
  3. Show understanding and compassion, especially where you have shown resentment and judgment in the past.
  4. Hugs and kisses.
  5. Give a massage with no request for reciprocation.
  6. Show patience where you usually are impatient.
  7. Tell the person what you admire or respect or love about them.

Kindness is relationship gold.

I’d love to hear your ideas on this as well!

Please share your ideas in the comments below!

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  1. 1
    kc govens
    January 30th, 2010 at 5:00 pm

    just remember the same way you were nice and sweet at the begining…you have to keep it up all of the time.
    No snapping or arguing at each other…just learn how
    to let each other be them selves. And always remember
    the small things they usually are the deal breakers
    if you do not pay attrention to them. Just listen to each other you both will make sense.

  2. 2
    Roseanna Leaton
    February 7th, 2010 at 6:42 pm

    I like your phrase that “Kindness is relationship gold”. Being kind and thoughtful is easy so long as you think to be so. It is helpful to decide to remind yourself each day of the thing which is most important in your life – your relationship – and say “thankyou” for it. As you begin your day with this mindset, kindness and thoughtful naturally flows as the day progresses.

  3. 3
    February 12th, 2010 at 2:28 am

    i thinks so, i agree. spontaneous and joke can warm up the ice too. but all thing backs to the basic of our heart.

  4. 4
    February 14th, 2010 at 9:23 pm

    @Roseanna – Thank YOU! Wishing you all the best!

  5. 5
    brass manifold
    February 24th, 2010 at 3:22 am

    I like your phrase that “Kindness is relationship gold”. Being kind and thoughtful is easy so long as you think to be so.

  6. 6
    February 28th, 2010 at 1:29 am

    Kindness, huh? yeah..i agree, especially if we can be kind without expecting a return :)

    it’s hard & im learning to do it wholeheartily :)

  7. 7
    family dentist
    March 1st, 2010 at 6:19 am

    The most important thing to keep a relationship fresh is to give little nice surprises and should share your life experience with others which helps a lot in building new relationships and strengthening the old relationships.

  8. 8
    March 12th, 2010 at 6:43 am

    I like your phrase that “Kindness is relationship gold”. Being kind and thoughtful is easy so long as you think to be so.

  9. 9
    March 22nd, 2010 at 12:04 pm

    I always say ‘keep it simple’. Of course life can become quite mundane, boring, multidimensional and complex all at the same time. Stress can drive us over the edge and, kindness will bring us back. I like this place that kindness has brought me to. I’ll stay here a while and enjoy it.

    Thanks ;-)

  10. 10
    Lasik Doctors
    May 29th, 2010 at 10:28 pm

    This is the most common problems among couples. Some tend to feel more lax because they know that their partner will love them no matter what. But, it isn’t always like that.

  11. 11
    June 15th, 2010 at 2:50 am

    … Tell the person what you admire or respect or love about them. …

    I like this one …

    So romantic :)

  12. 12
    July 24th, 2010 at 6:17 am

    am drawn by the statement that “relationship gold” truly relationship makes great things happen it is the source of growth and joy it repairs mind thoughts and it is the healthiest thing ever….

  13. 13
    August 1st, 2010 at 9:47 pm

    It’s really hard to maintain a good relationship with somebody especially if you two started to fight even with the small things. I guess the best way to maintain your relationship is to spend quality time together in way that you can talk with each other.

  14. 14
    August 2nd, 2010 at 6:53 pm

    Good point, Elmo. Any particular suggestions?

  15. 15
    August 5th, 2010 at 6:41 pm

    Thanks Vince!

  16. 16
    September 23rd, 2010 at 7:22 pm

    Kindness is one of the most overlooked staples of good relationships. I find very simple things are synonymous with kindness- smiling when you see friends or that special person in your life… surprises for no special reason… a card in the mail saying “I’m thinking of you”. Taking time out a busy day to stop and say “I’m glad I know you”.

  17. 17
    dream of the world
    October 29th, 2010 at 12:33 am

    hmm.. thanks for your article.. maybe i can get true relationship with it :)

  18. 18
    December 19th, 2010 at 11:32 pm

    KC – thank you for sharing your thoughts! I think you are so right!

  19. 19
    December 28th, 2010 at 8:18 pm

    Hey Bill – that’s awesome! thanks for sharing! Looking forward to hearing from you again in the future!

  20. 20
    January 23rd, 2011 at 2:31 pm

    Hey Bill – Very practical tips for steps couples can take to fix marriage problems. It’s so easy for couples to get defensive and let pride and ego get in the way of resolving marital conflicts. Although you always hear about the number of couples getting divorced it would be nice to hear from time to time about the number of couples who stay together.

    Thanks again for the helpful tips you have laid out here!

  21. 21
    February 3rd, 2011 at 11:00 am

    good article!!!! I usually just find the article on love only. articles about friendships very difficult. even though it is also important relationship

  22. 22
    Andy King
    September 6th, 2011 at 5:13 am

    Subject is very vast. There may be so many things that contribute to keep the relationship very fresh.


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